The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
