So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
