how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
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