im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
