omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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