Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
