I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
