I just cut my nipple shaving
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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