we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
