You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Where did you get a picture of my penis
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
