I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
