maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Randomize
