Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
