that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Threesome in a minivan. New low
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
