That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Randomize
