every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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