omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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