Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
