Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
he shaved USA in his pubs
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
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