I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
