I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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