I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
