I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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