Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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