She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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