I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
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and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
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I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Success! We fucked roommates!
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