i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
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