my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
