There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
