I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Randomize
