i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
