So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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