i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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