Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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