Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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