Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
