The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Randomize
