Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
