How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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