I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
