I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
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