I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
