I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Come on in and take your pants off
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
