Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
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