four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
