from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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