i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
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