I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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