this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
