Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
