upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Tornado booty call.. dedication
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
