Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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