I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Randomize
