He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
