a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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