K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
