If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
