I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
