the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
