Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
