Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
