hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
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