Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
