I want to have your abortion
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
