All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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