whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
