You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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