Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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