That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
