DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
